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Me: Good evening Mr President and thank you for your time.
President Jonathan (GEJ): You are welcome and how are things
with you?
Me: Things are okay with me sir, business is good, family is
fine and I can say that I am enjoying life but things are depressing!
GEJ: You seem to be contradicting yourself or did I not get
you clearly?
Me: Sir, it is the same contradiction as that of Nigeria
being a rich country with poor people. The pervading atmosphere is that of
dejection and anger. You are aware sir, that a volcano can lie dormant
'forever' but you don't tempt fate by going to live nearby and thinking that if
it has not erupted all this while it must be in a state of permanent docility.
Me: No sir and you miss the point, it is not about you! It is about Nigeria and
Nigerians! All this counter intuitive
referencing of every issue to self, tribe or section is plainly diversionary
and potentially devastatingly destructive.
GEJ … cutting in .. you say it is not about me so let me ask
if it is my administration that is now responsible for ethnic rivalry or are we
the ones sponsoring the so called ethnic bigots?
Me: No sir but you can play a part in steering us away from
that dangerous direction. Your body language suggests that you are not
uncomfortable with all the propaganda.
Let me assure you sir, that anybody who is discomfited or opposed to
your being president on account of your ethnic origin or religion is doing so
out of only selfish motives. You will be surprised that because of years of
retrogressive feudalism and mis-governance, the illiteracy level in the north
is such that a large chunk of the population do not know Goodluck Jonathan or
that there is anywhere called Bayelsa!
We fought a civil war because the senseless killings by a handful of
army officers of Igbo extraction led to senseless reprisal killings of innocent
Igbos as if the officers were acting at their behest or with their blessing.
This collective responsibility propaganda is dangerous and wrong. The majority of our hapless people do not
base everything on ethnicity or religion as some will like us to believe. That
is why Nigerians live freely together in all parts of the country and inter
marry and do business with so called 'different' people from other tribes and
have no problems but the locust elite will not let them be, and keep on
promoting divisiveness.
Sir, you can steer the national discourse away from every
issue being given an ethnic or religious colouration. Human nature is basically selfish and resort
to territoriality is all in furtherance of selfishness.
GEJ: So what is your point because I do not see the
relevance of all this theory!
Me: I am just making
the point sir, that resort to 'ethnic games'
is like sitting on a keg of gun powder. Also and has been proven by
experts, ethnicity is a major contributory cause for underdevelopment and
poverty.
GEJ: Why do you assume that I am naïve and do not understand
these things? Of course it is all politics! Okay let me concede that it is food
for thought but get to the point of your visit, what of all the advise you
claimed to have?
Me: There are three actions you must take immediately which
will start the redirection away from the trending impunity, calm the rising
national temperature and portray you as a leader.
First make Governor Amaechi irrelevant to our destiny by
immediately acknowledging that mistakes have been made in the Rivers crisis by
all sides and that those purportedly fighting in your corner should cease
henceforth and accord him all due recognition as the Governor of Rivers State
and that you also recognise his electoral victory as Chairman of Governors
forum.
GEJ .. mscheew! Of what importance is Rotimi Amaechi? Or is
Amaechi now the solution to Nigeria's problems?
Me: He is not the solution but you have made him your
biggest problem and the Rivers crisis is
now a serious national virus. The more attention you pay an enemy the
stronger you make him! All because you did not apply Law36 of the book- '48
Laws of Power'
GEJ: My friend you obviously do not know how demanding this
job is or you think I have time to read all these books. So what is law36?
Me: Basically it says 'disdain things you cannot have:
ignoring them is the best revenge' Your control of Rivers State or the
Governors forum or Amaechi's respect and support would have been nice but since
all proved elusive, you should have disdained them and really what is the big
deal about chairman of governors forum? A confluence of disparate and mostly
unpopular governors with competing egos and selfish conflicting interests, was
heading for inevitable irrelevancy before you unwittingly breathed life into
it. Let me share an illustration of the law as contained in the book – A monkey
was carrying two handfuls of peas. One little pea dropped out. He tried to pick
it up and split twenty. He tried to pick up the twenty and split them all. Then
he lost his temper scattered the peas in all directions and ran away.
I need not say more sir!
GEJ: So I am behind the Rivers crisis or the Governors forum
crisis?
Me: I do not think that discussion is worthy of our time sir
and if I may be frank – only a fool will believe otherwise!
Secondly sir, announce the immediate cancellation of any
plans for a national conference or if you think this too drastic, announce its
postponement in the national interest and for wider consultation.
Mr President this is a meaningless exercise and a waste of
valuable resources. Apart from not having any legal or constitutional basis,
the modalities clearly show that it is just a charade. If people are
complaining of marginalization how are they going to obtain redress, in a
conference where some of them will have no representation at all and worse
still, decisions can only be taken based on unanimity or 70% approval! This is
a recipe for perpetual agitation and more anger. If held, it does not take a
soothsayer to predict that it will end in chaos and abandonment. This will not
be good for the country and you are better of reverting to your initial posture
that there are institutions to take care of the issues and we need to
strengthen and build confidence in the institutions so that the problem areas
can be addressed meaningfully with citizens having a say in a democratic
atmosphere.
In any event and as the first digital president, why not just
ask every ethnic and other interest group to collate their positions and send
them to a national conference website. Let us have an e conference instead.
GEJ: Are you being serious, can I possibly do that kind of
summersault, because to be honest I never knew this matter will be this
complex.
Me: Yes you can – that is leadership and you must know your
people now, all those self sponsored
protagonists for a conference will jump to your defence and posit that
any conference that is not sovereign is meaningless and that it will be
preposterous for a constitutionally elected president to convene a conference
outside the ambit of the same constitution under which he derives legitimacy!
GEJ: You are very cynical, anyway I have to go now so last
point.
Me: You have no friends sir!
So if protection of friends is what has killed the fledgling
anti-corruption drive, do another summersault. The free for all is not good at
all and you may not know it but corruption is the greatest turn-off for you
administration. Nigerians give a damn about corruption and it is the number one
problem of Nigeria's unfortunate circumstances.
GEJ: Thank you although frankly I was expecting more from
you but thanks all the same
Me: Sorry to disappoint you sir but sleep over everything and in any case, Law 22 says that, surrender
can be a tool of power – ultimately! So think of the big picture sir and lastly
since this is Valentine season and on a lighter note – how is your love life,
your excellency?
GEJ: Thank God it was you that said it is not about me! and
we are not in France!
General laughter
-There is nothing like waking up from a dream with laughter, as in the
case of this fictional chat with a man I have never met.
Edo Ukpong,
legal Practitioner
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